One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
