My first STD was from a foam party
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
