and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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