i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
handjob tips. give me some.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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