I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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