I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
