Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
