don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
