1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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