i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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