I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
