Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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