Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
