How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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