my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
