she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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