Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
