He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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