I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
