I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize