we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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