My nipple is on Facebook.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
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Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
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Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize