if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
