just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
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He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize