we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
