Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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