Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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