It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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