I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
