I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
