I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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