so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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