Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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