New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
