I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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