Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
