just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
