so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
