He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize