Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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