i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
