she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
