I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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