I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
