I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
