I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
