Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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