Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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