1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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