i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
