8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
