do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
