So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
