Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
