He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
