I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
A bitchslap is in order.
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