I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
