I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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