do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
