I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
