girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
