dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
