o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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