My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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