Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think I have vodka in my lungs
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize