I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
