You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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