i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
