you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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