I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize