Jerry, you need to find god
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
