It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
