nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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